two alien morphs back to back, nice. 

this book cover is very familiar to me, maybe i looked at it a lot to figure out what hork bajir looked like?

~~~

"Fact: You already know someone who is controlled by a Yeerk. You just don’t know you know
someone who is controlled by a Yeerk. Yeerks can access their hosts’ memories and make them act
exactly the way they always have. A human host, called"

I kind of doubt this? It seems like the Yeerks have less than a hundred thousand controllers right now, theyre breeding as fast as they can but theres BILLIONS of humans

I mean, I guess six degrees of separation, if like, a celebrity got infected its more accurate but do you "know" a celebrity?

~~~
"You should see Rachel. She’s like Stone Cold Steve Austin crossed with Miss Teen USA. Unlike
me, Rachel is someone who could pull off the whole I’m-so-special-I-only-need-one-name deal even
if she didn’t have to keep her identity a secret.
"

so 90s it burns

~~~

every book really does start with them having a really stupid misson as a light way to introduce morphing.

~~~


" Aldrea’s Ixcila will be attracted to someone most like she
was. Someone strong, fierce, independent. Presumably female. Hork-Bajir or Andalite, most likely,
but I suppose she might gravitate toward a human. If such a human female existed.”
“Oh, I think I know where one could be found,” Marco said."

yeah, they think it'll be rachel but...
rachel ISN'T independent. she thinks of herself a tool, a warrior.

cassie is the one to see an entire group of people saying one thing and decides to say another.

the one who risked death, exile and worse to stand by her own beliefs.

aldrea chose certain death , in the face of the hork bajir genocide virus, rather than to side with the andalites who betrayed their values

~~~

its wild to me that its a pseudo magical ceremony to bring back essentially a copy of aldrea's mind

instead of just "we have her on this computer, but she's encoded to only run in wetware/meat brain", like you'd see in modern fiction

andalites always have this psuedo magic thing going on and we just do not acknowledge it
~~~

"“Can you see her? You should be able to see through my eyes.”
<All I see is blackness,> she answered.
I glanced around the cave. I wanted something basic to look at. I focused on Rachel’s red shirt.
“Maybe you just aren’t used to the way my brain gets information from my eyes,” I told Aldrea.
“Right now, I’m looking at something red.”
I felt her concentrating. Then I felt the relief of recognition.
<Red!> Aldrea exclaimed.
"

i do love this. morphing auto translates the way the mind gets sensory input (even though its confusing at first)

but literal brain ghosts do not.

~~~

ooo i forgot it had aldrea's pov too... but i shouldn't have. 

i remember the climax of the book, her panicking and trying to get cassie to close her wings before it was too late, but cassie simiply refusing to jeapordize the plan with quiet confidence that she could do what was required withotu dying
and aldrea feeling awed at her strength

and then it switching to cassie's pov where she feels weak (weak hands?), like she's desparately trying to hold back the tidal wave that is aldrea's willpower. 


without realizing that if you're holding back a tidal wave, you're not weak. no matter how hard you find it.

~~~

"“To start to morph all you need to do is -” I said.
<You’re forgetting that I was born an Andalite,> Aldrea answered. <We invented the morphing
technology.>
Her superior tone reminded me of Ax. Every once in a while he makes it clear how primitive
our human technology still is.
I could have asked her how many times she’d morphed. How many animals. I could have pointed
out that my friends and I were probably the galactic morphing champions. But I didn’t feel right. I felt
… I don’t know. Aldrea was a hero right out of history. And I was the girl with the raccoon enema
bag.
“Well, go ahead, then,” I mumbled.
"

and the payoff of this is how awed aldrea is by how *insane* cassie is with morphing.

the whole climax hinges on her doing impossible morphing feats and everyone around her simply trusts she can, which aldrea thinks is *insane*

this book really stuck with me, i liked the multiple points of view.

~~~

"I decided to try a little experiment. Without saying anything to Aldrea, I tried to wag my - our -
wolf tail.
It didn’t move.
I tried again, concentrating all my energy on the muscles in the tail. The tail gave a twitch. It
wasn’t exactly a full-out wag. But at least it moved.
<What are you doing, Cassie?> Aldrea asked. She slowed from a run to a trot, and I got a little
puff of annoyance from her.
I hesitated. I didn’t want to admit I’d been trying to see what kind of control I had.
Rachel loped up beside us in her own wolf morph. I couldn’t help thinking that if Rachel had
been in my situation she would have gotten a lot more than a pathetic little twitch out of the tail."

honestly i think rachel would be in an infinite screaming panic attack about being trapped trapped trapped and powerless.

but

its always easy to convince yoruself that someone else would be handling your challenges better. 


"I wondered again why Aldrea hadn’t chosen Rachel as her receptacle. But maybe the answer
was all too clear: Maybe I’d been chosen because she sensed that I was the weakest.
Had she felt that I would be the easiest to control? Had Aldrea, even in her inchoate Ixcila form,
marked me as an easy victim?"

poor cassie
~~~

i remember this is where aldrea reveals the animorphs use morphs all wrong. 

they're supposed to be guerlilla warfare. spies.

not...

shock and awe.

~~~
"“Yes, I’m ready,” I said. I tried to cover the uncertainty I felt, tried to hide it from Cassie.
I did not know the location of the weapons. I remembered Dak and I and the others, the few who
still gathered with us, taking the ship. But I must have hidden them after recording my Ixcila.
<You don’t know where they are!> Cassie accused.
<Nonsense!>
<Oh, my God! You don’t! I can feel it. I can tell you’re lying.>
<I know where I planned to put them. I know where they must be.>
<We have to tell Jake.>
<No!>
She opened her mouth. “J - … unh …
Ja … “
<Let me talk!>
I released my hold, shocked at my own behavior. I hadn’t meant to stop her, hadn’t meant to
battle for control. A mistake; I’d had no time to think it through.
"

two things here: one, never assume you can hide something from cassie
and ....


i KNOW aldrea mentioned she didn't know where the weapons were, why are they acting suprised

"“Can you help us?” the Arn asked. “Do you remember where the weapons are hidden?”
<No. I know nothing of any weapons. It must have occurred … if it did occur, after,> Aldrea
said.
I repeated her message.
The Arn nodded his head sadly. “And yet, it was the mind that found the hiding place. Found
once, it could find again. Could Aldrea find them?”
<Could I find weapons I hid? Yes, most likely,> Aldrea said.
"

see?

why is everyone shocked by this :( :( :(

~~~
"“No one will be in danger. I know the place. I know the trees.”
"

no you don't aldrea, you mentioned so many trees were cut down, you barely recognize it all.

~~~

i just realized. aldrea hasn't seen tobias morph. *she doesn't know*

they're deliberately keeping information from her, just in case. 

smart
~~~

aldrea also hasn't seen cassie morph yet, its always been her controlling it
~~~

"<I assume you will control the morph,> I said to Cassie.
<Yes, I will,> she said.
I waited as she focused her mind on the Hork-Bajir DNA within her.
The changes began with surprising swiftness. Cassie was an experienced morpher, that much
was clear. But as I watched the smooth, elegant transitions, I realized she was more than experienced.
She was talented.
"

~~~

"Then she did something I did not know could be done: She controlled the appearance of the
blades so that they appeared, one by one, rippling up one arm, down the other, down a leg, up the
next.
The horns grew the same way, one, two, three. She was showing off. Trying to impress me. And
I was impressed.
<You have a talent for morphing,> I said.
<Thanks.>
"

yeah especially after you implied you knew morphing better than cassie just cuz you were an andalites
tho

tbf

cassie WAS kinda, "explaining your own tech to you ", even if she was better at it


~~~

"To my surprise the human Cassie was both afraid of the growing height and, at a deeper level,
strangely comfortable racing up toward the lowest branches a hundred feet or more up the trunk.
Of course. I should have realized: the arms that hinge through three hundred and sixty degrees,
the strong hands with opposable thumbs, the feet with vestigial fingers.
<You humans are a brachiating species?> I asked.
<Of course. Our ancestors, the species that came before humans evolved, lived in the trees.>"

when i moved to the state of georgia in highschool i was *shocked* they acted like evolution was not realized
i had never once encountered even the slightest doubt in it. 

it was something that was *hundreds of years old* and proven to hell and back. 

ah well, can't fix some people. 

at least theres not flat earth 'globes' in classrooms

~~~

"<She is all I have,> Aldrea insisted. <And I don’t even have her. I have oblivion.>
I felt a chill. Aldrea was right. This person, this Andalite or Hork-Bajir, whatever she was who
shared space in my brain, had nothing. She was not alive. Not truly alive.
Unless …
Unless she refused to return to oblivion.
It occurred to me then, for the first time, that Aldrea could live, through me, if I permitted it.
No! No, this wasn’t up to me. Was it?
She was alive, now. Alive in a way. She spoke and thought and felt and experienced and even
learned. She was alive, but only by my grace.
Oh, my God. Was it my decision to make? Would I have to tell her when the time had come to
return to nothingness?
Was I going to be the one to kill Aldrea-Iskillion-Falan?
The realization took my breath away. Aldrea felt my emotions.
<What is the matter?> she asked.
I couldn’t answer. What could I say? If I’d realized before I accepted the Ixcila I’d never have
agreed to go along. It was impossible. It was immoral. Aldrea was alive, and if she died again, if she
ceased to exist, it would come from my own selfishness"

only cassie would decide there is an ethical imperitive to sharing your brain. 

she did with her yeerk friend, after all. 

(i'm so bad at names. it wasn't esplin was it? wans't that viser 3?)
internt says aftran

~~~

"Tobias came swooping past. <Aldrea, how much further in this direction?> he asked.
<Another quarter mile, no more,> she said. <There is a place where the valley grows so narrow
that the trees reach across it and touch each other.>
<Not anymore there isn’t,> Tobias said. Then, to Jake, he said, <Trouble ahead, fearless
leader.>
"

told  you.

~~~
"Hearts in my throat I raced through the trees. All familiar, a path I had traveled a hundred times,
a thousand, with Dak beside me, with Seerow hanging onto my belly as we moved.
Home. It was just ahead. Home.
And somehow, somehow, he would be there, Dak, strong, smiling, holding his arms open for me.
My son, my little one, my Seerow, he would be there in his nest, waiting, smiling happily to see
his mother.
Impossible. I knew. I was not insane. I knew. And yet, the hope … irrational hope. An emotion
not touched by all that I thought I knew.
Home!
"

so many different ways they show the horror of war. this one a uniquely adult kind.

~~~

"The others caught up to me. We all stood amid the high branches and gazed down at the
devastation. The humans did not understand, of course, not really. This was my home. Not from
decades ago, but from just the other day. Just the other day I left my husband and my son there. Just the
other day they were alive.
"
they understand better than you think. how many times have they had to go to a yeerk filled future now?
two?

three?

~~~

"I knew Yeerk pools. I had spent my
youth on the Yeerk home world with my parents. This had to be one of the largest Yeerk pools in
existence. It might be home to ten thousand Yeerks, even more.
"

see? statistically you DON"T know a yeerk.

ten thousand yeerks are an insane amount.

~~~

these books move so quick. so short. 

why do i put off readin gthem.

~~~

"“This is not how morphing powers are used,” Aldrea said. “Let’s take our time, raid the Yeerks,
take weapons, perhaps capture some Hork-Bajir and starve the Yeerks out of them, then, when we
have an army -”
<You and Dak Hamee, all over again?> Ax said.
“I want this attack to succeed!” Aldrea shouted. “I don’t want a wasted, futile effort. You humans
are just children! What do you know about fighting the Yeerks?”
“They know quite a bit, Great-grandmother,” Toby said.
Jake held up his hand, cutting off debate. “The Chee can’t cover for us forever. We need to get
this done and get out of here. Aldrea, yes, it’s crazy. But we’ve been doing ‘crazy’since Ax’s brother
showed up.”"

yesss, like i remembered.

its... so strange, reading these things, comparing them to memories decades old...

i don't even know the last time i read animorphs. highschool maybe? 

i reread the books a lot...

i didn't critically think about them much, not like you see in fandom spaces these days. 

everything gets dissected and searched through for connections, for pathos, for plot holes or fridge logic. 

back then i just. 

read. 

alone. 

i didn't know anyone else who read them so i never even... talked to anyone about the books?

not till now...

~~~
"<That’s it, boys, girls, and etcetera.> " animorphs says non-binary rihgts

~~~

thinking about it. the REASON the animorphs fight so strangely is they CAN'T fight the kind of war aldrea and dak hamee did. 

the yeerk invasion was more or less overt. for the animorphs, its still entirely secret. their missions ahve to be in and out as quickly as possible so they don't cause suspicion.

~~~

"<It can’t be done!> Aldrea warned.
<Yes, it can,> I said. <I can do it. Now please, shut up. I need to focus.>
"

and she thinks herself weak
~~~

"Ax says I have a talent. A gift. It wasn’t my doing, and I don’t know where it came from or why I
have it. But, as I fell and demorphed and fell, my human body, my short, pudgy human body had wings
that grew and grew and spread wider than osprey wings can spread.
I couldn’t flap them or even turn the edges or control a single feather, but I could hold them stiff,
and as I fell, I fell … slowly.
<You’re doing it!> Aldrea cried. <Impossible!>
"

i remember this was so damn satisying

~~~

"I fell slowly, reusing the accelerating pull of gravity. And then, only a hundred feet above the
Yeerk pool, I began to morph to whale.
My feet twined together, like fast-acting ivy, or spaghetti twirled on a fork. They melted, and
fused and my flesh grew thicker, fatter.
And still, I kept the wings.
"

and THIS was where i was blown away. to start one morph before another is finished?

tahts not something that had been done before. but

cassie said she could
and jake and the others trusted her.

period.

~~~

"Tseeeeeew!
A red beam appeared five feet from my face, then disappeared.
<Let go! Fall!> Aldrea cried.
<No! It’s too early!>
<Jake, they’re shooting!> I reported.
<Are we close enough?>
<I don’t know!> I cried. <No. No, we’re not.>
<Your call, Cassie. I trust you.>
"

"<I am taking over,> Aldrea cried. I felt her will surge, a tidal wave inside my mind.
<NO!>
She was trying to fold my wings, trying to drop, reaching to take over my mind.
Tseeeeeew! Tseeeeeew!
A shot burned a seven-inch slice into my side. The pain was staggering.
My wings were … closing … losing the morph …
NO! This was my body, this was me!
I shoved against the tidal wave of Aldrea’s will, weak hands holding back a cataclysm"


yes! i even rememered the metaphor!

~~~~

"But my wings stayed firm. I fell, faster, but not too fast. Aldrea fought me, I fought back, but I
still owned this body, this morph. We fell, the strange, sad Andalite turned Hork-Bajir, the dead
creature with a will of iron, and me. And all the while I morphed. Morphed till my osprey wings
grew heavy with flesh that was as much whale as human.
"

she always has a REASON to discount her own strength "oh, anyone could have done this, after all it was my own body"

no cassie, you're so strong and you're so cool and you gotta own that
~~~

"I had lost.
We fell, fell toward certain death, plunged tail first into the Yeerk pool, and still, all I could
think was that I had lost.
Lost to a human child. I’d assumed the only question was one of self-restraint. I’d believed I
could seize this body if ever I chose. But the little human female had held me at bay even as she
performed an act of morphing that would have made her a hero among the Andalites.
"

yeah aldrea, you were not as strong as cassie. 

~~~

"<I heard something,> Cassie said.
<Taxxons. They’re sending Taxxons in after us.>
<Rachel and Jake will take care of them. Demorphing, now! Jake! Three … two …>
Cassie was confident that her two friends could stop a small army of Taxxons.
"

i mean. yeah. they have sharks.

earth is basically a death world by this settings standards. 

ax mentions it once. we have an impossibly rich variety of species, all of which are constantly trying to kill each other. 



~~~
"<They’ll see you!> I warned.
<Have to breathe,> Cassie said. <Trust my friends.>
Her head, our head, broke the surface. Deep breath. Again. Battle just over our heads atop the
dike wall. Two Andalites, tails whipping, slashing, cutting. Hork-Bajir-Controllers backing away and
running as one of their own kept yelling “Run! Run! Andalites everywhere! Thousands of them, run!”
Marco, of course.
"

marco is so great. and yeah, the trust here, that no outsider can understand.

poor david, he never had a chance.

~~~

"Cassie steadied herself. I felt her exhaustion.
<You’re tired.>
<Yeah.>
<It’s a miracle you’re alive!>
<Yeah.>
She began to morph. Hork-Bajir features appeared, but more slowly now. Too many morphs too
quickly. And each a work of art.
"
~~~

"Water rushed out of the rapidly widening hole. I could not see the Yeerks, of course, but I knew
they were being dragged along in the irresistible current. Hundreds. Thousands. We might never
know.
I didn’t want to know.
<I sense regret,> Aldrea said. <But this is a great victory. And it is because of you, Cassie.
Without you, none of this would have been possible. You’ve just done the most impossible,
incredible, and heroic thing I’ve ever seen.>
The water continued to drain. The Yeerks in host bodies might be able to save some of their
brothers and sisters. Not many. Not all. Thousands of Yeerks would lie there, dying a slow death of
dehydration as the water left them stranded, or asphyxiation as they sank, helpless, into the mud.
Because of me."


another reason cassie can't see her own strenght: she feels too strongly the consequences of her actions.

she only sees herself as "too weak to do this without killing", not "so strong that so many less people died than otherwise would have"

i feel that.

~~~

"I drew Aximili aside. “You have lived with these humans. They seem troubled by their victory.”
<Yes. They regret doing what they know they must. They have an almost Andalite sensibility.>
I smiled. “I was going to say that they remind me of our Hork-Bajir warriors, who never forgave
themselves for learning to kill.”
<Let us agree, then, that all civilized species must share a hatred of war,> Aximili said.
"

~~~

"<It has been an honor, Aldrea. I still don’t know why your Ixcila came to me, but it was an
honor.>
<Don’t you know? Even now? The Ixcila is drawn to a mind that reflects it. And I like to think
even that inchoate, nonconscious version of me was honorable enough to know I might be tempted.
That I might be tempted to cling to life. And that I might need someone strong enough to return me to
the path of my own fate.>
Cassie didn’t say anything more. There wasn’t anything to say, not to each other.
"

...god. the dramatic irony. 

each thinks the other is the stronger. 

~~~

the end.